monosexism is real (and so is bisexuality)

The other day I had coffee with a man who tried to explain to me his theory on “why bisexuality is not real”. He explained to me that “People who claim to be bisexual are just straight people who are confused. They mistake jealousy for attraction (for example: a girl envies another girl’s beauty or personality but she is not actually attracted to her.)”

“What about gay people?” I said. “Oh no, that is totally different. That’s real”, he replied.

I get this a lot. And I struggle to understand it: Why is it only acceptable to be attracted to one gender? Sexuality is not so ridged; it is subjective, personal and highly case sensitive.

Bisexuality has some truly harmful stereotypes: gay people who are “just in denial”, straight people who are “confused” (or straight girls who are “seeking attention”); when I have come out to people as being queer, I am often asked questions such as “What percent gay/straight are you?” or “So, you like threesomes?” The astounding ignorance I have encountered on this topic is proof positive that monosexism exists. Apparently the idea of being attracted to more than one gender is too difficult a concept for people to grasp.

So I would like to set the record straight on a few things:

1. Do not expect me to be able to weigh my orientation in percentages. Though some choose to do this, I find it futile. (I cannot predict the ratio of men/women/transex people I will meet who I find attractive.)

2. It is not a phase.

3. Being in a relationship with a woman doesn’t mean I don’t like men anymore (and visa versa).

4. Bisexuality does not equal Polyamory.

5. I do not find women attractive because I am jealous of them. Period.

6. I do not like women because I want attention from men. PERIOD!

7. Having no specific gender preference does not make me “greedy”. It does not mean I get more dates (I don’t).

8. Having no specific gender preference does not make mean I want to fuck everyone (and If you think it does, you can be assured that I DO NOT want to fuck you).

…

The end.

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01/31/13